Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Anh Nguyen on Unsplash

Being a good friend has always been high on your priority list. You work hard to build and maintain relationships and you are lucky to have strong friends in your corner. You’ve seen each other through babies and career moves. Postpartum depression and school bullies. But now you’re in uncharted territory. Something you feared would enter your circle at some point, but hoped never would.

Your best friend has called you and said the D-word. Through tears, she sobs out that she and her partner have filed for divorce. The line goes quiet and suddenly, it’s your turn. But what are you supposed to say? You’re surprised, shocked even. You had no idea her marriage was that bad. I mean when the girls would all get together there was the occasional husband venting session. About dirty dishes and who wouldn’t take out the garbage. But nothing she said ever seemed out of the ordinary. You’re still on the line and you can hear her quiet sob. Almost an invitation to you- “please say something that will stop this from hurting.” This seems like too big of a task- you aren’t prepared for this! …


And how I’m dealing with it

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Aubrey Hicks on Unsplash

My aunt posted a meme yesterday. It showed President Obama talking to Jesus Christ. Obama is complaining that Donald Trump reversed all of his policies. Jesus replies “Well you reversed all of mine, that’s why I sent Trump.”

Let me start off with a little background. My family and friends are mostly Mormon. They have deep religious beliefs and live by a strict set of guidelines for themselves. They don’t drink, smoke, or watch R-rated movies. They hold sexual purity (no sex until marriage and complete fidelity afterward) at the very top of their religious priorities. …


And how it affected their self-esteem

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash

I recently got divorced, and it forced me to really take a look at my parenting. I didn’t have a husband anymore to help me make decisions, and I felt like I was being put on the spot with my kids all the time.

Not only was I navigating new parenting territory, but my kids were also dealing with emotions they’d never felt before. These high stake emotions times four kids- plus me being a solo parent made it feel like I was drowning.

I was in the middle of trying to heal myself post-divorce, and at the same time trying to minimize the trauma my kids were enduring. …


Especially if you hope Trump wins

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

I put my ten-year-old to bed last night before Texas had been counted. He doesn’t quite understand electoral votes completely, but he was concerned.

“Mom, if Trump wins, will you and Liza get married right away, just in case?”

His eyes were watery. He was trying to be brave.

“A wedding would just be really fun, you guys love each other. You should just get married… it would be fun.”

He was trying to be cool, calm. …


And why I really hope you don’t

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

Growing up Mormon, I was taught early and often, that my virginity (or purity as it was called) was my most important possession. I needed to guard it fervently and was to repent vigorously if it was compromised. I took this as seriously as a young teenaged girl could. I had several boyfriends and we never got close to having sex, but I still found myself feeling shame and sorrow anytime I wanted to. …


Image for post
Image for post
Photo by niklas_hamann on Unsplash

I spent an entire hour with my therapist today talking about stupid people. I know I shouldn’t call people stupid. But seriously. I just can’t take it anymore.

I live in a predominately White, predominately Christian farming town. We have very little diversity. And we share our religion like, a lot. We also, apparently, share a lot of stupid shit on the internet.

I have been completely dumbfounded how easily the people that I am constantly surrounded by and genuinely like are sharing the most ignorant and uneducated pieces of “information” online.

Last night, for instance, a sweet young newly married girl who used to be my neighbor shared…


Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

As a white woman trying to unlearn the racism in me, I have to admit… I’m more confused than ever.

I began this journey knowing I wasn’t racist because I value all human life. Period. I don’t hate and I don’t discriminate. Then, I learned more. And I realized, like many of us, that racism is so much deeper than that. It involves systemic injustices that I’ve been silent about. It involves prejudices so deeply rooted by my education that I didn’t even realize I had them.

Some White Americans, like myself, have leaned into the process of discomfort and examined their own racism and privilege. As I’ve done this I’ve become increasingly confused and bombarded with information from both sides. …


Finding myself and Jesus all at the same time

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Yoav Hornung on Unsplash

When I started to think I might be gay… I immediately started to doubt my faith. How could something about myself feel so good and true but also be so wrong in the eyes of the religion I grew up in?

Determining whether or not I was gay or if I was on a different area of the sexuality spectrum was something that took me a long time, and if I’m being honest is something I’m still figuring out.

What I did know, however, was that what I was feeling and doing was against everything I had previously believed in all of my thirty-six years. Discovering these new things about myself at an older age really shook my identity. …


What Does Defund The Police Mean

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by ev on Unsplash

I’m a 36-year-old white mother of four that lives in rural Idaho. There are a handful of black people in the town I live in. And by handful, I mean five.

Race issues aren’t at the forefront of things we deal with. We’re mostly Religious people who are earnestly trying to treat everyone equally. We make mistakes of course, but in terms of hate, there’s not much of that going on around here.

In the past few weeks, as race issues have dominated the country, I have found myself digging deep into how I feel about racism, and trying to see if any of it is planted in me. This has led me to study racial issues, the Black Lives Matter movement and their organization, and most recently, the Defund The Police campaign. …


A rebuttal to Candace Owens

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by munshots on Unsplash

Several of my white, thirty-something friends have shared and reposted a video of Candace Owens this week. Owens, a black, female, Pro-Trump activist details in her video why she won’t support seeing George Floyd as a martyr. She argues that protesters and the Black Lives Matter campaign are painting a picture of Floyd that isn’t accurate. She goes on in the video to point out Floyd’s previous convictions, character flaws, and struggle with substance abuse.

Owens is adamant that the entire movement, spurred into effect by George Floyd’s life is a step in the right direction. But, she insists over and over that she is tired of the black community praising George and calling him a martyr for the cause. …

About

Harper May

Lover of writing, babies and good coffee.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store